I feel like there is a big issue with "the grass being greener on the other side" when it comes to suburban kids and city folk.
I myself am a suburban girl. My parents, born and raised in the city, opted to move to the suburbs in order to provide me with opportunities that may have been a lot harder (or maybe even impossible) to obtain if I had lived in a more urban spot. I was sitting pretty in a private school, listening to a lot of my "Majority" friends talk about going on vacations every holiday break, the new gaming system that they got for their birthdays or Christmas, and other forms of luxury that weren't exactly within my reach. Of course, each family has their own struggles, whether it be financially or otherwise, and I wasn't exactly struggling. My family just didn't have any money to use in excess like that, which was fine; we lived, laughed, and loved all the same.
As I grew up, though, I realized that there was something kind of... missing. Obviously, as a minority student, there seems to be some sort of inevitable divide in how you interact with each other as you become more conscious about the conflicts that are going on in society. As we started to get older, I realized that I couldn't really relate with their normal. In the summer, when I was able to talk with the Public School Kids, some of whom were closer to the city than me, I realized that again, something was different. There was a lot more community. Everyone seemed to know each other in a way that was more familiar than that of my own school/students. There were gangs, not cliques. And I don't mean people were repping or anything; I mean that there was just a sort of "togetherness" that everyone seemed to share, even if you didn't get along with someone from another social group.
Today, I had an argument with my mom about "my origin," so to speak. While giving introductions, I had told people that I was from the suburbs neighboring the city instead of providing the name of my actual town. "Next time, just say the name of the city where I am from," she said angrily.
"I said that I was in a neighboring suburb; isn't that the same thing?"
"No, it's not. You are from your town, not the city."
Now, after going back-and-forth about why I couldn't "claim the city" (even though I didn't realize at the time that I actually WASN'T from a neighboring suburb, just a regular suburb), I thought about a common conflict that happened between the older generation of minorities and the younger generation. Like my mom, a lot of the suburban minorities around me don't typically like to identify with the city. In my parent's case, they kind of... don't like to associate themselves with the city whatsoever. In my case (and some of my friends who identify with being minorities), though, I adore the city. Of course, I'm not ignorant to the series of problems that go on, including major systemic inequalities, a lack of resources, gentrification, and the overall discrimination that wrecks the education and policy systems. But the community, the togetherness? The resilience? I would take that any day over a suburb.
What my parents don't see or experience is the unfortunate "othering" that takes place when you are a minority in a majority's territory.
The fact that if you have the nerve to be a smart minority, you are a token. A poster child. Drilled to excel, to be a part of, to be successful.
The sore thumb behavior that occurs if you want to participate in things out of the ordinary from your stereotype.
The various stereotypes that are broken and remolded, and the "I didn't know you liked this" or the "I wasn't expecting you to act like this" just because of your skin color.
I am grateful for all of the opportunities that I have been provided with as a minority in a majority's environment, and I'm not saying that it was like that for EVERYONE, because all experiences are unique. But I will not be stupid and say that there was no difference between my drive and that of my counterparts. When it came to them graduating, being successful, it wouldn't be surprising for it to be because they were expected to, or because someone's family had success normalized for them. When I did it? It was to escape pressure and stereotype; it was because I had older and younger relatives who were rooting for me to do something incredible, almost impossible for similar people in my community. It was ambition, but it also felt kind of like desperation.
But, I can't blame my parents; although I'm not 100% aware of the hardships that they faced, I know that their obstacles were more physical and present than the ones that I faced. Their lack of acknowledgement could come from the lack of attention that the city gave them if they ever needed something in the past. They worked hard to get out of whatever they had to, and I admire them for that. They had the same resilience that I see in the city whenever I'm there, since I now go to school in the city. But would I really choose a suburb that has had Blue Lives Matter marches? That puts barely any effort into recognizing their minorities, let alone providing them with resources tailored to them? That puts a "hush hush" over racial injustices that are going on at the same time that I'm typing this? The suburbs ain't a good place for minorities, just like the city ain't no place for suburban tourists.
So what do I do? Where do I belong?
My parents never really took me into the city much. Although my dad goes there every day for work, I would have been lucky to be there twice a year before I went to college. And a lot of my family is from the city, sure, but there's a WHOLE other divide from being the only one in your family to go to a private school . I was a suburban kid, through and through. So imagine the cognitive dissonance that goes on when I say that suburban tourists don't fit well in the city when that's exactly what I act like. My community includes a weird amalgamation of kids like me, who are minorities that don't exactly fit in the city but enjoy the same community feeling that it provides us. I can't speak for them, but I grew up both grateful for not experiencing city troubles and longing for the community I was never able to experience.
I really don't want this whole thing to be some whole "wah, I don't belong" post, because obviously I don't feel like this all the time. I know that I have other communities that I fit in (the Lewises, the Haywoods, the Knights), but you definitely get brake-checked every once in a while when it comes to that city community. I just hope that wherever I decide to raise my kids in the future, they feel included and safe in their own communities.
Does anyone else feel like this from time to time, or is it just me?