It seems that I have a major problem with being consistent.
If you couldn't tell form my first post, I really don't like being put into categories very much; I hate sticking to the idea that I am only supposed to limit myself to one career, one major, one expertise, so when it comes to things that I enjoy (like writing for my blog), I tend to keep my limits as endless as I'm able to so that my one-track system for school doesn't get me down. Of course, there's nothing wrong with variety; I love the idea that I can grow into an well-rounded individual, knowing a little bit about everything and enjoying each topic to the fullest. However, the idea that this might be a negative thing never fully sank in until my mom brought up a really good point.
Me: "I think I want to buy a small sewing machine so I can learn to alter and make my own clothes."
Mom: "Here we go again."
I'll skip most of the conversation, but after my mom quickly informed me about myself and the fact that I bounce from hobby to hobby like Tigger on caffeine, I realized that this was the case for everything that I do. As much as I wanted to argue against it, she was right: for starters, I just switched majors after I was sure that psychology was the one for me (although this one is more understandable). In my personal endeavors, I just started making plans for a baking business that I hoped to do while in undergrad. Before that, I started Quarantine Queen. Before that, I was so enthralled in natural skincare that I decided to buy supplies in order to make my own face masks. Before that, I wanted to learn how to do my own hair (box braids, feed-ins, etc.) And what's resulted in all of these bursts of inspiration? Well, I have probably 100$ worth of clay, oil, and mixing utensils, a couple of bags of braiding hair, new baking supplies, a blog, and a whole lot of money wasted. Or maybe not necessarily wasted, just not in my pocket.
I've been told that I'm very ambitious, and that I have somewhat of an entrepreneurial spirit. Until this point where my mom just aired out my dirty laundry, though, I never fully understood what that meant. From what I understand now, it means that I'm very problem-solve-y in a way that causes me to form a bunch of "start-up" ideas, yet never finish them. That's a shame, too; I am still genuinely interested in everything that I made purchases for, and I absolutely plan on working on them for some period of time. But I guess I never stay disciplined enough to put in the amount of work that gets results. I feel like this may come from high school partially. I was in more clubs than I could count, and while I definitely knew about the "well-rounded" concept that universities wanted me to have, I knew that I mainly wanted to participate in so much just because I could. I hold such an immense value in versatility that I wanted to do it all, or at least be proficient in something enough to say that I did it. I'm not sure where this comes from, to be honest; while I love to learn in general, I'm not entirely sure why I can't seem to hone in on a specific craft or subject. It's like I'm looking for something but I'm not quite sure what it is; I just know that I haven't found it yet. And what's worse? Whenever I feel like I'm bored, or that it'll take a long time in order for me to be consistently good at something, I just simply hop to the next thing.
Honestly, this might even tie into the reason I'm always on social media. The variety of topics? The instant gratification? It's like a flighty person's sanctuary; you can subscribe, follow, or tune in to any part of the social media world that you choose. When you've finished getting what you want from it, you could unfollow and carry about your day, feeding into the next thing that gives you satisfaction when it arrives; and, if someone or something rubs you the wrong way? Blocked. Social media platforms are a breeding ground for a short attention span when you think about it. If everything is as easy as the click of a button or the tap of a screen, then why should I put more effort into mastering something?
Maybe it had something to do with not receiving instant gratification/results, or maybe it's the aftershock that may come with being used to a perfectionist lifestyle (we can get into that later), but I know one thing for sure. As much as I like all of the subjects that I've had the chance to explore, I'm tired of the inconsistency. While it's cool to be interested in a new project or topic every few months, it's very unfulfilling to have nothing to show for all of your exploration, especially when your efforts lead to a violin that's never been touched or a bunch of half-sewn, mangled pieces of clothing (both of which I may or may not have). I know that my efforts inspire me to create things, hence all of the business ideas and/or projects in the works, but I really want to work on having some consistency in my life. Outside of the basics of working a job or maintaining grades, of course, I would love to have some actual progress made for all of the fun things that I involve myself in. I'm not sure what I'll start with just yet, but I know that whatever it is, I'll put the work into it this time. Maybe I can show you guys the results, as well!