Have you ever noticed that sometimes, the friends that were closest to you were also the friends that were... closest to you?
I don't know if you guys have been feeling the same way, but the lack of social interaction due to COVID has really made me pay attention to the different relationships in my life. Along with the introspection that's been going on in my daily routine from being alone so much, I've also been doing a lot of interspection, or inspection of my social network/community (that's a word that I made up, by the way). By this, I mean that I've been noticing that a big chunk of my friendships are the result of people that I just happened to come across while growing up. Whether it was the fact that we shared a class every day, joined the same clubs, or complained about the same assignment, our temporary bond had turned into something that was a little more long-term.
Of course, there's nothing WRONG with that; that's how people meet. It's not like we randomly just acquire Friendship Status with someone after meeting randomly on the street and even in that case, it'd be a matter of being on the same block at the same moment in time. However, when it comes to circumstantial beginnings (like the complaining similarity or the "same class" thing that I mentioned earlier), I've been realizing that a lot of people tend to stay stuck on that same subject that connects them. Of course, sometimes that's okay; it may be nice to catch up on the latest teacher-student drama or the events that went on in the club. When it's been three years and we're still talking about a shared classroom experience, or if I met someone at a student org and that's the only thing that the conversation focuses no, that's when I find myself unengaged.
I'm not going to front; I do it too. Usually, I can't think of any other questions besides "'How was your day?'" and "'How is school?'", and when I do find things to talk about, I usually only talk about my own adventures (which I'm realizing is shallow, selfish, and quite boring after a while). I'd like to make the excuse that that's all there is to talk about, but that's simply not it. Humans are too complex for there to be nothing going on in every aspect of someone's life.
I've realized something that connects my sudden irritation of (geographically) close friends and repetitive conversation, though: as far as I'm concerned, I'm not used to getting out of my comfort zone. I've always grown up with the concept of "minding my business and leaving theirs alone," and while this is definitely true for a lot of things, I'm starting to notice that there's no shame in asking questions. With one of my newer friends, for example, I always wondered why they asked so many questions; it always felt kind of intrusive and I really couldn't understand why there was such a big need to learn about little details. But then, as if this moment couldn't be any more earth-shattering (full sarcasm intended), I realized: that was the only thing keeping the conversation going.
Y'all: "... Why is her personality so dusty?"
Me: "I'm WORKING ON IT"
Maybe this was a result of me being an only child that kept to myself most of the time. Not that it was a bad thing, but people didn't really know or concern themselves about what I was doing most of the time, save for my parents. Again, I feel like this may be kind of normal; I'm no sociology or psychology expert, but I think that America is very "me" focused, so reaching out to others isn't commonplace, nor is it encouraged. With that said, I never really thought that the extra "give-and-take" in a conversation was necessary, as in asking more questions or giving more details. And I even remember times when, after giving more details, I'd be shut down for giving them, which would go a little something like this:
Rando: "Hey, I like your jacket!"
Me: "Thanks! I've always wanted to have a jacket like this, and it was something different from my reg-"
Rando: "I didn't ask you all of that. I just said I liked it!"
Me: -__- "Okay, thanks!"
Maybe it was just a bad run in with a few folks, or maybe I was just a little too chatty at the wrong times, but after a few of those instances, I've just gotten very used to only giving the necessary information that someone asks for.
But let me refocus.
When it comes to these problems, I think that there needs to be a smidge of nosiness and exploration. I know that COVID has made socializing harder, but what better time to deepen some of the friendships that you do have? Sure, you don't need to know someone's Social, or the most traumatic experience to happen to them, but do they have goals? Can they tell you a funny thing that happened to them lately? Do they have any cool hobbies that they practice? And as far as geographically, again, I know that the Corona Crisis has everyone stuck in the same place, but... what's wrong with taking a step outside of your comfort zone? It makes sense that if you hang around a bunch of classmates, they're probably going to talk about what happened in Lab, or if you only hang out with your athlete roommate and his friends, sports are going to be the #1 most likely topic that connects you to them. We need the spice of someone different, the reason that people usually hound well-seasoned travelers, or foreigners, or people with huge amounts of talent with questions.
I say all of this to emphasize the point that I think a lot of people aren't okay with uncomfortability, and that's probably why things are so base level in terms of conversation or connection. I don't want to act all high-and-mighty, because again, I'm grouped in with y'all. But since this is an introspective post, maybe this will encourage me (and hopefully someone else) to take a deeper step so things won't seem so... "acquaintance-like." Results may vary, though; I don't want y'all getting punched out for asking someone too much about what's inside their head.
If you want, maybe leave some advice or other think-pieces in the comments section. You can even get a lil nosy and ask me questions (as long as it's nothing creepy/invasive of my privacy). But from now on, I think maybe the most we can do in a quarantine-heavy environment is to get uncomfortable.
What do you think?