I'm so thankful for being able to end this semester... and I'll be even happier when this year ends.
Guys, let me just say this; if you're reading this and you're still here, stressing about having to deal with exams in the middle of a panoramic, then you should be proud of yourself for just making it this far. With all the crap that's been thrown at us this year, we should be able to give ourselves at least this little celebration. I, personally, have been going through it emotionally and otherwise, so when I turned in my last final on Thursday afternoon, part of me really wanted to just skip this week in terms of blog posts and call it a day.
But I like giving y'all content, so I decided to just take a day-long break.
With the semester ending, I've been having a bit of trouble figuring out what to do for the winter. I did actually manage to find a part time job, so I'll be working for a small section each week. But now, there's the question of what to work on. I like to keep myself busy, but I'm conflicted about what projects I should involve myself in this time around. Should I get another part time job so that I could work towards some of my financial goals for the next year? Should I take a break to actually work on things related to myself, whether that be my hair, physical health (eating and exercise), or mental health (journaling and spirituality)? Or am I just being lazy and not taking into account that I can work on both at the same time?
I'm struggling with the decision that I've made so far, which is to work on myself; I'm somewhat of a workaholic. Just this past summer, in the middle of a pandemic, I managed to land three summer internships. I worked another internship during my school semester, and managed to start an entire blog somewhere in between then. As soon as I moved home early, I started my part-time job the following week. I've been working nonstop since my junior year of high school, where I literally balanced working around 20-25 hours a week with... junior year. I'm not sure what kind of masochistic tendencies I have for staying busy, but this winter break I wanted to try and focus more on my personal projects instead of going out to do more work for other people. My part time job is enough for right now.
I mean, that's what I keep telling myself, anyways.
I feel like my constant need to grind comes partly from America's insinuation that we have to keep working to be successful. As much as I continue to loathe that concept, I can't help but think that it's still ingrained in my habits. Especially as a Black woman, the need to work twice as hard to get somewhere memorable feels like something that I'll have to struggle with a lot in the future. I also know that my family works a lot; my parents and extended family alike usually turn to work of some sort when they get bored or need to use up time.
I don't want to keep that habit up, though. Not only is that awful for my physical and mental health (which was already a rollercoaster throughout this year), but it's really bad on my social and personal relationships. Sure, I'll get paid, but what about spending time with my friends, even if it's just a phone call? How do I continue to work on my personal hobbies and interests if I'm so drained from work that I barely want to walk around my house?
I don't want to be all-work, no-play. So even though I would like the extra money to fund some things in the future, I'm going to take a break before overworking leaves me broken. Burnout is not fun at all, and I'm not going to run myself into the ground, no matter how bored I may get at home. I'm not completely sure what I can end up doing over the winter break, but I'm sure I'll come up with a few cool ideas to let you guys know about.