There aren't going to be any cute gifs or corny jokes in this one, folks. Buckle up.
****TRIGGER WARNING: This article will discuss rape/sexual assault. If you are a victim and want resources to help you without being triggered, please scroll to the end of the article.
On the other hand, if you are a perpetrator, please read through this entire article, AND look for resources to assist you at the bottom.
I'm a part of a film club at my school, and for this month's movie we decided to focus on On the Record, a film that highlights hip-hop legend Russel Simmons' 19+ sexual assault allegations. Drew Dixon, the main narrator throughout the movie, walks through her story of hiding her moment of assault for over 20 years before finally deciding to make her story public. Through this process, the movie also highlights others who heard Dixon's story and decide to also come forward with their own horrific retellings of their encounters with Simmons. This movie also heavily discusses how Black women face a different struggle within the #MeToo movement, as the intersectional struggle of being both Black and a woman combine in an exhausting struggle to be recognized, valued, and respected in society.
Because I'm so animated right now, I'm not sure if I can provide a bunch of accurate quotes from the movie. Heck, I'm not even sure if this post is going to remain on the topic of On the Record in general. However, one thing that I can say is that I was more than livid after finishing this documentary.
I completely understand that rape is a traumatizing, sickening, selfish, and cruel act inflicted upon. And while it can happen to all genders and sexualities, I am dedicating this virtual space to Black women specifically because there are too many people who don't give us any space to begin with. I have to say, talking about this makes me feel so helpless; I can't personally do anything myself in order to make up for or vindicate the wrongdoings of some worthless person who decided that they got to choose who said yes and no to them that day. Nor can I atone for anyone who wasn't considerate enough of the victim's personal preferences to consider how they felt in an intimate situation, even after their "yes" grew uncertain, cold, regretful.
There was an instance in this documentary, though, where one woman was saying something along the lines of how we as Black women feel like we need to be the Protector of Black Men; that although some of these crimes are committed against us by Black men themselves, our understanding of the struggle that Black men face in today's society somehow makes us feel like we are responsible for their wellbeing. Like we're just supposed to sweep any of their evildoings under the rug for the sake of The Culture. At this point, though? Fuck the culture. From everything that I've seen, today's Culture is the same one that teaches Black women that lighter skin and straighter hair is more beautiful than their natural coils and melanin could ever be; it is the same Culture that Black women themselves have had to divest from in order to work on a more healing and inclusive world where they could celebrate each other's diversity and uniqueness instead of being pinned against each other for it. It's the same Culture that was arguing on Twitter about how whether or not a woman looks goofier for submitting to her partner or for remaining "dominant" in their relationship. While the Culture does bring us together as Black people in the sense that we have a community in the midst of a world that wants us dead for our appearance, it is the same toxic Culture that divides us by gender, ethnicity, and sexual preference.
If our "Culture" is so divided in the first place and is just as cruel as the world outside of it, why do we as Black women work so hard in the name of a social construct that has done nothing but tear us to shreds?
Before you try me, this is by no means an "anti-Black" post. But we as a community need to do better. In addition to making sure that our Black women are safe in a dangerous world (check your FOID regulations, ladies), who is talking to and correcting our Black men? In fact, where are y'all? Oh, that's right, some of y'all are gaslighting, others want nothing to do with Black women, and some are so stuck with saying "I'm one of the good guys" that they can't move on to the next step of holding other "good guys" just as accountable as they hold themselves. It seems to me, even at my age, that we are stuck in an endless cycle of calling each other out, standing by when witnessing conflict (or the aftermath of conflict), and defending our own missteps. And what makes my heart hurt more is that A. I don't know how to fix it, and B. I can't even figure out how to stop it from happening to me.
The world is a twisted place, and although I am normally always trying to find the brighter side of things, I think it is very important for us to look at the dark places that we decide to hide away from the public eye. If it is not addressed and talked about, there is simply no way that prevention of any kind can occur. If you're comfortable talking about it in the comments, what are some things about rape/sexual assault that you think need to be addressed? I know that of course, prevention needs to be addressed heavily, but I feel like the problem can be more complex than you might think. Is this an issue of not addressing men's mental health? Societal pressures? Lack of social/religious/personal reinforcement? Let me know what you think.
And as for the Black women reading this, just know that your voices are welcome and valued here.
Resources for those who were victims of rape/sexual assault (or worries that they might have been a victim):
A Closer Look at Sexual Coercion: https://www.thehotline.org/resources/a-closer-look-at-sexual-coercion/
How Do I Know if I Was Raped or Sexually Assaulted?: https://www.healthline.com/health/was-i-raped
National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline: https://www.rainn.org/about-national-sexual-assault-telephone-hotline
National Sexual Violence Resource Center: https://www.nsvrc.org/
Additional Sexual Violence Resources: https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/sexualviolence/resources.html
VictimConnect Resource Center: https://victimconnect.org/learn/types-of-crime/sexual-assault/
Administration for Children and Families: https://www.acf.hhs.gov/trauma-toolkit/victims-of-sexual-abuse
If you were a perpetrator and would like to seek help (NOTE: these resources are mainly directed towards Black men. If you need other resources, Google is a fantastic resource.):
Therapy for Black Men: https://therapyforblackmen.org/find-a-therapist/
Black Men Heal: https://blackmenheal.org/
How to Ask for Consent: https://www.dartmouth.edu/consent/communication/howdo.html